So a couple of nights ago, I was feeling pretty crappy, upper respiratory stuff moving from my head to my chest like the shot in the famous “Irish car bomb” drink. I tried to call the Teladoc service, but waited on hold for about an hour and a half before I gave up and just went to bed.
Why did I decide to call? Well if you know me, you know I travel. I travel a lot. My 2nd car is a 737. In the last few weeks I’ve been to conferences in Washington DC, San Diego, Austin, TX, and other places as well, but the big kicker was RSA in San Fran where 2 people in the booth across from us tested positive. Fan-freaking-tastic, right!
The fact that I had upper respiratory garbage going on, along with all of the travel, has made me a little touchy about my symptoms. Now, I’ll be honest, I had pretty much all of the symptoms, except the fever. I want to be clear, I didn’t really think I have the C-19 virus running around in me, but the travel has me on edge.
So, back to the story, I woke up Tuesday morning feeling worse, symptoms were one heck of a headache, a head that felt like it was stuffed with about 10lbs too much stuff, and a tight chest with congestion (but still no fever to be seen). What great way to start the morning.
I went ahead and put a call into my primary doc and after an hour or so I
got a call back. I explained the symptoms to the nurse and she said she would check with the doctor. Another hour later the doctor called back said it’s time to get tested.
I called the local Emergency care place, gave them my symptoms and the fact I have had possible contact with someone. They said pack it up and bring it in. I was told that testing was being done in front of the urgent care in a tent as I understand it. Oh joy. At least they aren’t talking rectal temperatures out there in the parking lot (well, that was the hope for sure).
Even though I honestly don’t think I have it, at this point, my anxiety level peaked just with the thought of getting tested for it. This started throwing a whole bunch of what ifs in my head.
Like, what if we really don’t have enough toilet paper? What if Taco Bell is the only option for fast food in the near future (shout out to you Demolition Man), and I still don’t have extra toilet paper? This could be catastrophic. Fear is starting to cloud my vision, along with a strong desire for a Mexican pizza (with extra napkins). It’s at this time that I am really wishing Demolition Man had explained the 3 seashells. I mean it honestly makes sense if all future restaurants are Taco Bell, there would be no trees left, but I digress.
So, I eventually packed my butt in the car (now known as the disease-mobile) and headed to the testing center. When I got there, the tent was being packed away, but there was a table set up outside with some nurses. They had me fill out a questionnaire asking about key reasons for testing, reviewed it and brought me inside to the testing area (Some call it the main waiting room).
It was at this time, a very kind nurse pulled out a swab roughly the size of a toilet brush and proceeded to stuff it up nose until it pretty much hit my brain. At least she apologized during the non-op frontal lobotomy, but hey…
I was told that testing would take 3-5 days as they still had to ship the samples to California, given a lovely paper on how I was not allowed around anyone, not even my pets. Great I thought, that sample goes right back to the state that likely got me in to this mess. Oh well. I headed back to the disease-mobile and proceeded to drive my self home once my eyes uncrossed from the swabbing.
I have now self-isolated and taken over our bedroom and bathroom. My wife and pets have moved out of the room and left me do lanquish with only my 32″ TV, steaming services, computers, phone and hand-delivered meals to keep me company. First world problems, right? As in intorvert though, I have trained for this my whole life, so I think I will be OK.
I will continue with future updates very soon.
Erich Kron is the Security Awareness Advocate at KnowBe4, and has over 20 years’ experience in the medical, aerospace manufacturing and defense fields. He is the former security manager for the US Army 2nd Regional Cyber Center-Western Hemisphere.